Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
