3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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