I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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