i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
