Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
