Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
