So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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