I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
