I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
