im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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