Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
As shirtless as possible
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have post one night stand depression
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
