y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
