I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
