My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
