How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
