No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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