You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
