My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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