i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
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Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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