yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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