I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
