I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
