u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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