I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
