I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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