she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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