She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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