Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
