if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
