My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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