I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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