After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
