dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
