but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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