I just cut my nipple shaving
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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