I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
