She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
