I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
