She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
