I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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