I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
