i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
