my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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