I can text with my tongue
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
