Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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