I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
