I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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