I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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