I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
