Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
