Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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