he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
