But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
