i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
