I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
