Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
