I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
