Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
