Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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