she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize